Minecraft, Motherhood and Me

Minecraft in progress

Today is the last day of the summer break, January, you have been the best of times and the worst of times. We have done a lot of exciting and wonderful things in these holidays, they are memorable for our youngest child reaching a stage in her development where she is more able to keep up with her big brothers, she can ride a bike, manage a hike, the pram has been relegated to the back of the garage and a new world of possible outings has been opened up to us as a family. There has also been an abundance of simply being at home, our family which is often split apart by shift work and everyday obligations  has had the rare opportunity to spend extended periods of time together. Lets just say there was a fair bit of storming to get to the norming, and we have all learnt more about each other ,  and coexistence in the process.

This break  will also be memorable for the ongoing battle we have had regarding our children and technology.  The boy's poison of choice is of course the game du jour Mine craft. I think many of us parents like to fool ourselves when it comes to Mine craft, I hear myself repeating phrases  like, it's not like other games, there IS skill involved, they are building things, it's practically town planning.


It is all  very seductive, when it is allowing that extra half an hour of uninterrupted time to get something done you have been putting off for weeks, or just to sit down and take a  much needed breather. It is SO to  easy succumb to the lies we tell ourselves about gaming. But truthfully, I  know that is  all a crock.  Mine craft is a game that is as insidious and time wasting as any other, and quite possibly detrimental to young children's neurological development.

Steady on I hear you say, that's a big call, but I stand by my assertions. We started these holidays without any real structure to their gaming, bad move. Every morning would begin with the  familiar question, can we play mine craft today? when? when? now? is it time yet?. After some carnage early on in the break we implemented some rules, only after 11am, only for 45 minutes total technology time a day, and only if you are in the green zone of your traffic light behavior chart. This has been an effective strategy in cutting out the whinging but  not the overflow from the gaming.

When I watch my boys play I can literally see their neurological circuitry fizzing in front of my very eyes. Their body language changes, they become fidgety, as does their mental state, they are SO pressured and impulsive, then they begin to bicker, and when you tell them it is almost time for the game to end, the agitation ramps up  by about ten thousand notches. I used to think this was only happening because they played on i-devices, and I still believe it is likely that these effects are amplified by holding a highly stimulating device right up close to your face, and by association,  brain.

However we were really just  telling ourselves more lies when we allowed them to get an X box for their birthdays. They will play cooperatively,  we said.  It will be more interactive, there will be less fighting and it will not be so stimulating. None of the above is true. Yep, that's right, none of it.

There is of course the possibility that not all children respond in this way, and I did do some crowd sourcing on a parenting board I belong to. It was a roughly fifty/fifty split, of parents saying that they imposed no limits and their children were able to self limit with no adverse affects. And then the camp we fall into, where gaming affected their behavior and needed to be managed for them. It is possible then that there is some kind of neurological susceptibility? my boys are both bright and unconventional thinkers, who often exist in the abstract and distracted side of the universe, could that be a factor? I am not asserting  it is related to overall intelligence, just the way your child's brain thinks and therefore functions.

You might also be asking what exactly is the issue here? and I suppose ultimately it comes down to your own individual parenting philosophies. We subscribe to an ideology that our children very much need to learn how to abide by social rules in regards to their behavior and conduct. Whilst not wishing to produce robots, we want them to learn how to harness the power of their creative minds while functioning within the bounds of conventional society. Simply put, we want them to be able to maximize the intelligence they were born with, by achieving academically, ultimately having a job they love and  possessing the social and self-managment  skills to be able to keep it.  Un-feted gaming with it's promotion of impulsivity is a threat to achieving those things.

And what is the answer? If John had his way all technology would be removed from out house. But I think that oversimplifies things, there is a strong social currency in playing the same game as everyone else, to remove it would be to significantly marginalize them. Plus it is always going to be there, I have known of many a 23 ( or 33 even) year old man/boy who has spent the weekend in gaming lock down mode, a scenario I am hoping our boys can avoid. Is it not our role as parents to identify these issues for them?  and enable them to develop the  self awareness of how it affects them? how it makes them behave?  and how it makes them feel?  To arm them with their best  ability to self manage their interaction with technology and gaming.

For now, we will continue the status quo, 30 minutes three times a week in term time and some time on the weekends. We will keep talking about it and continue to raise their awareness. But I think the most important thing we need to do is to be honest with ourselves. They are not really building cities, creating communities or learning programming, they are playing a game that is escapism, a social medium  and that  may or may not be having a detrimental effect on their vulnerable developing nervous systems.

Honesty too, to admit that when I  let my children  play a little too long because it is convenient to me, I am being a lazy parent, it's ok, everyone does it, sometimes I need the space,  just try not to do it frequently.  To admit that my children are being occupied playing a game, no, they are not stretching their minds so they can become the next Bill Gates, they just aren't.  Admit that when I  walk around attached to my iPhone, face booking, instagramming, just checking my email..... I am  not setting the best  example.

  But  let's be real, for better or worse, mine craft and gaming in general is a part of our lives now, we have gone too far to  take it back. Instead we will strive for less of it and more honesty and hopefully get there in the end and you never know, maybe one of them will end up being the next Notch after all, but probably not.